So many things going on in my life and yet I feel like I’m standing still and everything is flying overhead me. All at once and none at all.
My weekdays are fully spent. And feeling like this may not be the best thing that I have to go through at this point but I’m surprised at how well I’ve been. I’m the most pessimistic person I know (I’d like to think I’m a realist) and I hope I don’t have to snap at having too many things thrown in my way. Have I thought about this a year ago? No of course I didn’t. All these things did not crods my mind. Maybe it’s time to stop being such an in-the-moment person. Also because I was in limbo for awhile so I felt a little short-changed in the beginning, but I’ve accepted it. As I write this, i get it out of my system, j’accept.
I’ve begun to sleep like a normal human should. Which is de riguer but not that desirable for me. Of course I miss the old lifestyle. I’m one for change but I’m always one resistant to change from within. Its like my insides are lagging behind. Also, funny how my life can be a big fat paradox. Sometimes I think I might one day lead a double life because I’m so capable of wanting two things at once.
On the weekends, all I really want to do is.. sleep. I really do. Although on one Sunday, I managed to rouse at 8am for Mcd’s. I had to ask myself what’s going on. I’m not being over dramatic but it’s not in me to want that. Do I like what’s happening? Maybe. I might have not really found myself but how long is this journey, really?
Also, I’d like to think im embarking on life -changing journeys (and they are in my pending/to-do list.) But I do not have time to really think about one of them. Although I think I should. I should start thinking about what I want out of life. I’m not distracted, I’m just trying to find the balance. What if I’ve been spending way too much time away from it?
Isn’t this just my sad stream of consciousness? And of course I’ve been listening to too much of Justin Bieber, lol I’m not ashamed to admit it.
Balance. I just need balance.